What a week…I was beginning to to wonder if I would share on here or not, this was a hard week, I always try to compartmentalize my projects, feelings, etc. I think I am doing this blog thing to sort of break that, to merge my love of art and my healing and my self discovery where ever that may land me. Free form, not something I really allow myself to do in any of my areas of my life. I had a two hour therapy session this week and it was good but hard and I choose this photo because after about an hour of feeling intense feelings ( something I am learning to do, feel my emotions) I began to block. Other survivors know it’s a technique we learn to protect so when I get flooded with emotion I block it out and shut it down. I was going through a visualization with my therapist where I would breathe in clean air and breath out the black thick choking block that has been my protector, but I have to learn that it’s OK to feel, I don’t need it now, such a hard thing to learn.  I am a new to this blogging but I thought it was a great way for me to write what I feel since I am always on the computer anyways and I like to write and not edit, who cares if it makes sense or not, write and publish and it’s out. I can’t be the only one and a really great thing is I have gotten messages from others and I cant tell you how great it feels to know your not alone when you take your mask off for the world to see “you”.

This is another great digital artist in creating artwork that captures emotion. Her name is Wen-Xi Chen and her portfolio is amazing, she is also known as acidlullaby. Today was hard, going through topics that I will work on next week. I am doing EFT and I have found great success with it. Have any of you had any experience with it? I have good days and bad days and today was well a hard day. Not good and not bad, just hard. I am working on the core of my issues which scares me. When you grow up in a home of abuse and really any abuse you learn from a very early age to keep things quiet. That’s why I love this piece of art by acidlullaby, she captures it beautifully. You keep things to yourself don’t dare speak of the horrors you face in your home or life. Funny as I am older and learning how many of us there are in the world from all races, sexes and backgrounds it seems there are more of us then not. So why the secrets? Why couldn’t we see it in each other, why do we think we are the only ones? Odd how life is strange that way. We suffer in silence.

-Art of Melanie Delon

I love this artist, another one of my inspiring inspirations is this piece of work. Right now I am on a journey of healing and I am so looking forward to creating a series of digital artwork in reflection of MY past, whether it be pain, sorrow, horror or just plain emptiness. What I do know is I have so much content to work from, that I feel is difficult to express in words, I know as a survivor we all find our own ways of healing and expressing. Some find it easier to heal in letters in sentence form, others find great healing in actual textures of physical art forms (touching, pressure of the brush etc) for me its quite different. I never connected to my past, a great example a very wise person told me is I am finally playing the sound to my movie. I can relate to that.  What I have learned recently about me is that growing up it was better to feel pain then emotion. Pain was my comfort, my mother, my father, pain was my constant companion.